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It's a big wide world out there, but many of the people in it aren't really all that accepting of alternative lifestyles. Sadly, a small proportion of those people will use violence against others. Those of us who meet other people anonymously, either in public or in private, are immediately vulnerable to a range of safety issues. This page is not meant to be comprehensive, but it gives you an idea of what I and various writers have thought are important points.
Before you leave home
- if you are going to a new activity (your first time out cruising a beat, for example) research the operation, etiquette, and culture of the activity beforehand. Try to go with a more experienced person.
- let a trusted person know if you are going somewhere to meet someone. Arrange to call them back at a later time to let them know you're safe.
- if meeting someone new, arrange to meet in a public place first. If you're a tgirl it may need to be a tgirl-friendly venue. It's good if you can make it somewhere where you're known, and introduce your new friend to your old friends. That lets them know that they have been seen with you.
- get as much information as possible about a new person before agreeing to meet: role/orientation, preferences, HIV status [but be aware that they may not know or tell the truth], occupation, etc.
- choose a different name that you're known by in the swinging/ dogging/ beat scene.
- always take a fully-charged mobile phone with you.
- If you're driving, make sure the car is full of petrol before you leave.
- be wary using ATMs in questionable areas after dark. Instead, be prepared and cash up before you head out.
Once you are out
- stay alert and be aware of your surroundings at all times, including who is walking near you. If you think something is wrong, leave the situation. Fear is a natural emotion that keeps you out of dangerous situations. You should learn to objectively recognise dangerous situations, but also to trust your instincts. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and the beat will still be there tomorrow night.
- walk confidently, near the curb, and avoid dark alleys, side streets, and parked cars with people in them.
- have your keys in your hand when you reach the car so you can get straight in
- be suspicious; paranoia is not necessarily a bad thing.
- never hitch-hike or get into a car with strangers.
If you are threatened
- Verbal abuse or harrassment may be a prelude to an attack. It is usually better to ignore comments than to answer back.
- Stay calm and be assertive, but not aggressive.
- Put distance between you and whoever is threatening you.
- If you are attacked, attract attention by yelling or set off a personal alarm if you have one.
If you see someone else in trouble
- if you see someone being attacked, don't ignore it! Act as you would want other people to act if you were being attacked.
- call the police on 000 (or on 11444 in Victoria), then make lots of noise, gather a group of people and approach the scene, or yell 'fire!'. The idea is not to actually intervene (because then you might get beaten up too!) but instead to scare off the attacker.
Having sex in public
- when in questionable situations I carry a personal alarm with me; they're $10-$20 at hardware or homewares shops. The kind I've got is activated by pulling a chain attached to a pin; I've put a keyring directly onto the pin so I can carry it in my hand with my thumb through the keyring; if I need to activate it in a hurry, I can do so one-handed by flicking the keyring out with my thumb.
- be familiar with the layout of the site. Make sure there are at least two exits, and know where they are.
- if someone approaches unexpectedly, keep two arms lengths away.
- avoid cruising beats if under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Drugs and alcohol make you both more vulnerable to predators, as well as attracting police attention.
- don't use iPods or other MP3 players while at beats or dogging sites, as they block the sound of approaching footsteps, shouts, etc.
- avoid beats which do not have mobile phone coverage.
- avoid areas with obvious drug-dealing.
- don't carry valuables on you; instead, leave them locked in the car and take only your car keys and personal alarm.
- when going out for sex in public, single females should take a trusted male with them who can look out for their interests.
- when you leave the area, make sure you aren't followed home
If you are a tgirl, the following may also apply:
- if you've got a shoulder purse or handbag, let go if it's snatched. Make photcopies of your drivers' licence and so on before you go out so at least you've got the number, etc.
- consider your attire. Many feminine outfits, although divine to look at, are impractical for fighting or running; high heels spring readily to mind here. If you are going to a function in a questionable area alone, consider wearing more practical clothes on the street and changing at the venue. For example, when nightclubbing the city I wear a coat and long skirt over my club wear so as not to attract too much attention.
- alternatively, consider whether you would fight or run in your chosen outfit, and if so how. For example, wearing strappy heels which buckle up may mean that (if attacked) you are committed to stand and fight; you're unlikely to be able to outrun an assailant in heels if they're in runners. If you run, what do you do with your skirt?
If you are a victim of any type of violence such as verbal abuse, threats, physical violence, bashing or anything else like these, and you need the police, contact the Victoria Police Gay and Lesbian Liaison Officer.
Information security
Dogging
External links:
TS Roadmap safety page
Victoria Police Gay and Lesbian Liaison Officers
Anti-Violence Project
A Victorian project to reduce homophobic violence
Anti-Violence Project link to Victoria Police GLLOs
AusAdult sex workers' safety tips
Personal safety tips for escots, but some of these are relevant to internet outcalls as well