For first-timers
Home Glossary Disclaimer Site map	Your first time in the world of alternative sexualities can be both scary and exciting for some people. There's actually not a huge amount of advice I can offer to first-time attendees at alt-sex activities and venues (most of it is common sense and courtesy), but here are a couple of suggestions: - Don't go to a party expecting x to happen, because it may not. Instead, use each experience as an opportunity to learn more about the scene. I find I enjoy myself more if I go to a party without a pre-conceived idea of what I'm going to do. That way, whatever happens is always a surprise. Many of my hottest sexual experiences have appeared right out of the blue and I never saw them coming. Be open to new ideas and situations. - Parties may be held in: + private homes + dedicated premises, often houses used only for that purpose + nightclubs, or + sex-on-premises venues, such as gay saunas, where the usual customers have been evicted for the evening. There are different safety and parking issues associated with each type of venue. - It's not a good idea to turn up drunk, stoned, or on drugs. While it might shed some inhibitions, if you need to get drunk to shed them then you're probably in the wrong place. You won't enjoy the night (especially if you're too pissed to get it up!) and you very possibly won't be invited back either. - if your mobile phone has a camera on it, then either leave it at home, or if you really must have it then leave it deep in your bag. If you are found with a camera you will be asked to leave. - when you arrive, you may be offered a tour of the venue by the host; if it is offered, take the opportunity to see what happens where, and what the venue-specific rules are. For example, play may be forbidden in certain areas, or mobile phones may only be used in certain areas. In other cases, the tour may not be optional. Listen to the host, rather than spending too much time looking at what's going on; there will be plenty of time to look afterwards. - even if you've already done the tour, but especially if you haven't, go on a slow walk-around of the venue, taking time to explore and get a feeling for each space. If you are with a partner, you can discreetly compare notes. Note the location of things like toilets, exits, and condom bowls; you never know when you may require any of these in a hurry. - despite the tempation to get right into things, it does not pay to try to play with someone immediately. Instead, watch and listen to the vibe of the room and plan what you're going to do. There comes a point in the evening when it's OK to start playing. This may be either spoken (by the host asking people to dress down) or unspoken, but is usually about a hour and a half after opening time. Don't spend too long waiting, though, or you may find someone else cutting your lunch. - although you may think that you're God's gift to the opposite gender, there are a whole bunch of other guys in the room who also think the same. - if someone says they don't want to play with you, trying to persuade them otherwise is a waste of time. Not only will you piss them off, you'll also make yourself look desperate in front of everyone else. - respect each room's function. Do not attempt to play in the bathroom (even if you have a bathroom fetish), because this holds it up for people who need to go to the toilet. Playing in chill-out areas is frowned upon at most venues. Likewise, avoid irrelevant conversations about the weather/ footy/ the price of fish/ etc in play spaces. - don't be afraid to ask the host if you're not sure of something. In my experience the kinds of people who host alternative-sexuality activities are always friendly and outgoing. This is a chicken-and-egg question; I'm not sure if being in that kind of role makes you outgoing, or if you only get to be in that role because you're already outgoing. Whatever, they're always happy to help. - at the end of the night, leave the party quietly and don't act like a fuckwit. Many parties which attract adverse attention from local councils and residents (especially those in residential areas) do so not because of any moral opposition to swinging per se, but because they create parking and noise issues for local residents. If you depart boasting loudly about how you fucked this gorgeous blonde and then drive off revving your engine, then you're attracting attention and making an already-difficult job even harder for the organisers, as well as revealing yourself to be a selfish loser with a very small, soft penis.		See also: Etiquette Single guys More information: Vixen's guide to swinging How-to guide for potential and novice swingers AMM Drinks' page for first-timere Dirty David's tips for new swingers